Are Australians Computer Literate?

I thought that Australians were fairly computer literate. That was until I was given this list of Australian computer terminology.

LOG ON:          Adding wood to make the Barbie hotter.

LOG OFF:          Not adding any more wood to the Barbie.

MONITOR:           Keeping an eye on the Barbie.

DOWNLOAD:           Getting the firewood off the Ute.

HARD DRIVE:          Making the trip back home without any cold tinnies.

KEYBOARD:          Where you hang the Ute keys.

WINDOW:          What you shut when the weather’s cold.

SCREEN:           What you shut in the mozzie season.

BYTE:          What mozzies do.

MEGABYTE:          What Townsville mozzies do.

CHIP:          A bar snack.

MICROCHIP:          What’s left in the bag after you’ve eaten the chips.

MODEM:          What you did to the lawns.

LAPTOP:           Where the cat sleeps.

SOFTWARE:          Plastic knives & forks you get at Red Rooster.

HARDWARE:          Stainless steel knives & forks – from K-Mart.

MOUSE:          The small rodent that eats the grain in the shed.

MAINFRAME:          What holds the shed up.

WEB:          What spiders make.

WEBSITE:           Usually in the shed or under the verandah.

SEARCH ENGINE:          What you do when the Ute won’t go.

CURSOR:           What you say when the Ute won’t go.

YAHOO:           What you say when the Ute does go.

UPGRADE:          A steep hill.

SERVER:           The person at the pub who brings out the counter lunch.

MAIL SERVER:          The bloke at the pub who brings out the counter lunch.

USER:           The neighbor who keeps borrowing things.

NETWORK:          What you do when you need to repair the fishing net.

INTERNET:          Where you want the fish to go.

NETSCAPE:           What the fish do when they find the hole in the net.

ONLINE:          Where you hang the washing.

OFFLINE:          Where the washing ends up when the pegs break.